Buttheads come in many shapes and colors and they're not all in Florida

November 19, 2015

Jared Fogle - ex Mr. Subway

I always wondered how Jared lost so much weight by eating Subway sandwiches... was it the long wait while a pimpled face teenager calculated the optimum number of green peppers for his sandwich... No! ...was it some special fat burning mayonnaise hidden under the iceberg lettuce... No! Apparently it was from chasing 13 year old girls around the parking lot and off into the woods. During the sentencing procedure, Jared tried to mitigate his shame by disputing the judges remarks about the children he abused saying, 'they weren't really children they were adolescents'. Well Jared will have plenty of time to figure out what they really were as he rehabilitates in prison. The good news is that Jared still has a rather boyish face and Bubba will keep him on his toes in the big house so he won't have time to get fat again. It is sad how fame and money can corrupt even a world famous sandwich guy.

September 29, 2015

Kim Davis - Defiant and Desperate

Andy Samberg summed Kim Davis up nicely at the 2015 Emmy Awards show when he mentioned that Paula Deen would appear on 'Dancing With The Stars' this season and that if he wanted to watch a fat, intolerant woman dance he would have attended one of Kim Davis' weddings. As Kim's 15 minutes of fame wanes her crack legal team continues to try to stretch minutes by fabricating a private papal audience story and telling America that the Pope supports Kim's right to defy the law of the land based on her homophobia. And while we know the Catholic church has a high degree tolerance for many things like priestly pedophilia and women's inequality, it seems unlikely that Pope Francis would publicly or privately support Davis' bigotry. There seem to be as many versions of the alleged private meeting as there are versions of the bible.

June 24, 2015

Americans Supporting the Death Penalty

For a nation that for centuries has had "In God We Trust" emblazoned across all manner of social dogma, literally and deep within American hearts, the question of capital punishment should be a no-brainer. 'Thou Shalt Not Kill' does not exclude an eye for an eye. Yes, Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev and his brother did terrible things that resulted in senseless death and destruction but as an alleged nation of Christians, how do we stand before a just and forgiving God and sentence Tsarnaev or anyone to death. How do we teach our children that killing is wrong and killing is right and that all life is precious except those that we disagree with? Beyond the moral and religious implications of killing under the guise of 'capital punishment', how have we let ourselves believe that it serves any value? Think about it. If you are a proper Christian you believe that no matter how wretched your life's choices have been you need only ask God to forgive you, and when you die, you will sit at his right hand. Muslim extremists and countless others believe that there are riches and rewards galore for slaying those whom they believe to be 'unrighteous.'' So exactly how is capital punishment - punishment? It seems to me that rotting in a prison cell for the rest of your life is more punishment than a painless, antiseptic culling. I guess it all depends on what we believe happens to us when we pass from this life. But in reality, capital punishment divides us instead of binding us, it gives little suckle to the teats of the bereaved, it makes a mockery of any claim supporting 'the sanctity of human life' and like war, it rewrites the Bible, or any fundamental belief in God, to say... "Thou Shalt Not Kill Unless the President of the United States says it's OK." Aren't we better than all that.

April 27, 2015

Back in the Limelight Again - Bravo Caitlyn

How sad and pathetic to see a man work so hard to regain minor stature in the main stream media. Attention grabbers, take note. Bruce (not the most feminine name) Jenner, once proud Olympic medalist and once removed Kardashian-in-law, is now reaching farther than most would to get his/her name back in the spotlight and make an 'honest' buck. Another woman trapped in a man's body... not original but more dynamic than just coming out gay. The proof of the pudding will come when he has his penis cut off and fashioned into a pseudo-vagina. We often hear of women turning to other women after their husbands are gone and their children are grown. It's a notable behavior that provides meaningful companionship without having to deal with a penis. Who will ever know the inner working of Bruce's mind. Perhaps he is just one more man who has become impotent and thinks it will be easier to roll on his back and fling his heels in the air. Gay or transgender - who really knows... but Republican? This is clearly a headline seeker and in respect to him/her we should just turn the other way and let him live the life he chooses. And of course his children and family support him, s/he stands to make millions selling his latest outrageous and most transformational tail. Capitalists applaud now.

March 7, 2015
Republican Congressman Don Young, Alaska

And here I thought that Alaska's own Sarah Pallin was the most notable Alaskan to talk though their ass and then comes along Congressman Don Young. And it's not like he just came along, this 22 term congressman is well known for opening his mouth and assailing his audiences with his personal gospel. In the most recent days he has told the House Natural Resources Committee that homelessness could be eradicated by taking gray wolves off the endangered species list and sending them out to our neighborhoods (to devour our homeless). One of his aids tried to disguise the pontification by saying that Congressman Young was known for his tongue-in-cheek, but his audiences only seem to get cheek. At a high school that had recently dealt with a student suicide Congressman Young told his horrified audience that teenagers committed suicide because they didn't have the love and support of their families and friends. He once suggested that drinking with others increases the likelihood of domestic abuse, and suggested drinking alone as a solution. "If you want to drink by yourself, you may do it. But when you drink together, the possibility of harm becomes greater every day..." The irony of Congressman Young is that the people of Alaska wanted a comedian to represent them in Washington and they certainly got their money's worth... if you think he's funny.

January 7, 2015

Just Because You Can Do Something...

The old adage never rang more true then it did on January 7, 2015 in Paris when Al-Qaeda forces attacked and massacred the editorial staff and their security at the provocative newspaper office of  Charlie Hebdo. Editor and principal cartoonist, Stéphane Charbonnier, who built his career on defiance and the right to insult religion, led his team to death after numerous threats from the crazy Islamists. Had Charbonnier been dealing with a rational group opposed to his reckless prattle and imagery he could have remained standing as the Norma Ray of journalistic provocateurs, but alas, Al-Qaeda is anything but rational and reasonable, and the whole world knows it. Shame on Charbonnier for being so selfish.
Even the Pope came out and said that freedom of speech does not include the right to defame and insult religion. Wish he would have commented on American political rhetoric and how lying through ones’ teeth is to them, equally protected.


October 10, 2014

Kim Jong Un - Emperor of North Korea

Out of site for several weeks now the circulating rumors are all wrong. Hobbled by experimental surgery, Kim Jong Un is recovering from attempted bilateral tibial implants. Depressed over the massive weight gain he has experienced over the last two years Un thought that if he were six feet tall his weight would equilibrate and instead of being a short fat ego maniac he would be a tall, svelte one. Unfortunately, science hasn't caught up with the demands of narcissistic extremism and Un may have to settle for dieting instead of stretching.  Party members concerned over the myriad rumors and political intrigue surrounding Kim Jong Un’s absence have been leaking their own rumors. In secret meetings with Un, Party leaders have attempted to consolidate a plausible explanation for Un’s lengthy disappearance but like all meetings in the Democratic People’s Republic of North Korea, the Emperor pretty much gets his way. That’s how the communists define democratic. We could pray for a coup but woud the next communist be any better? Perhaps we'll just sit back and watch sony Pictures kill him off in another James Franco, Seth Rogan masterpiece.

July 18, 2014

Chuck Hagel- Secretary of Defense

Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel has approved the Army's recommendation to keep the Army private Bradley (Chelsea) Manning in military custody and start a rudimentary level of gender treatment. So now your tax dollars are being spent turning boy soldiers into girls. I have no issues with gender reassignment - for boys who need to be girls or girls who need to be boys... but I don't think our tax dollars should pay for it and particularly not for convicted felons serving hard time. Will we have to build a special facility at Leavenworth for transgender inmates? Will Chelsea need wigs and a pretty new dress or is s/he just trying to get moved to a women's prison. I'll bet there are lots of inmates at Leavenworth who would do most anything to get moved to a women's prison.


May 28, 2014
Edward Snowden - Self Proclaimed Patriot

How inflated our egos can become when we believe we are right and everyone else is wrong. Poor Edward Snowden. His story is now such that he believes himself a patriotic - that Americans need to know the truth no matter what the cost. If you try to blow the whistle using the prescribed reporting pathways and nobody listens, its OK to leak classified documents so that no matter what - you were right. Snowden didn't win Asshole Du Jour because of what he did, but because he wouldn't stand up for what he said was right and rather, fled to Russia to escape persecution. Sadly, what he did was largely meaningless. The NSA and government organizations will continue as they have since the beginning... to do whatever they want and bend the law to fit their purpose. And we will continue to 'believe' them ... or not. Do we really think that laws are created with mandatory ambiguity because the drafters of the laws are imbeciles? NO! It is all part of the plan. Ambiguity leads to loop holes and folks with money can hire lawyers to most excellently exploit those loop holes to meet their needs.

April 14, 2014
Frazier Glenn Cross, aka Glenn Miller, 73, arrested for killing 3 persons in Kansas City, Kansas in what is being touted as a hate crime. Here is a man who has spent the better part of his life shouting hate at the top of his lungs, largely focused on Jews and then anyone not white. An anti-Semite who salutes Hitler and makes Archie Bunker look like Mother Theresa. A leader of a Carolina Ku Klux Klan and other paramilitary groups, Cross shot a young boy and his grandfather to death outside a Jewish community center and then killed an old woman at a nearby Jewish assisted living facility.

This man of complex hate, in whom intolerance is his hallmark, will spend the rest of his racist, moribund life in prison for killing 2 methodists and a catholic. What an asshole.