John Wayne Photo

Humor is Subjective


The North Koreans are helping to celebrate by decorating their senior officers in the traditional North Korean style. The medals may seem a bit ostentatious but they serve a practical purpose. Under one of those medals is a GPS device so the monarch can know where they are, or at least where their pants are. at any given moment. Under one of the other medals is a tiny bomb which can be triggered by Un himself in the event a general gets a little too independent... hence the look of unquestioned loyalty on the generals faces.

If the end of the Mayan calendar will indeed herald in the end of the world then wouldn’t it be nice to go out with a bang? And while I’m sure that means many things to many people a global caution should preface any pre 12/21 behaviors. That caution is predicated on a few facts like:  if the Mayan’s were so devilishly clever then where are they now and; why does this whole end of the world thing smell so much like Y2K? So beware! If you  tell your boss what a hideous monster he is before 12/21 you may be looking for an extra-large glass of water to wash down your foot by Christmas eve.

We'll be celebrating 12/21with friends at Cris and Dean's end of the world/holiday party.

  While walking down the street one day a corrupt politician was tragically hit by a car and died. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the politician.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher-ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really? I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the politician.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are all having such a good time that before the politician realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven.” So, the politician joins  a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The politician reflects for a minute, then he answe

rs: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell." So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell... Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls to the ground.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders. "I don't understand," stammers the politician. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil smiles at him and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today, you voted."









PolishSausage royal polish bicycle team

clearly jock straps or any such restraining devices would impede the freedon of the saddle - this picture was taken before they announced the winner - just not sure for which contest... apparently the guy with the red helmet was the first place winner... of course riding on a bicycle for 50 miles in those outfits probably left them all with red helmets...

NFL schizo

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Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But, all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic...and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally had to take their concerns to their priest.

The Priest came to visit Bubba, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass...and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You  were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you are a Catholic."

Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison once again filled the neighborhood.  The neighbors called the Priest immediately, and, as he rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement. There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted:   "You wuz born a  
deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."